Will I learn ?
May7th
I wish I never did half the things I did I wish my fucking brain would finally realize that if I keep fucking this up I wont have a wife I wont have anything. I wish I never fucking dig any type of drugs it literraly spiraled me into chaos it caused so many people to look at me in such a negative way. Now about to be turning 28 and just fucking dont have anything going formyself becuase of drugs becuase I put my fucking drug use on top of everything and no I have no relaible job my wife hates me and is on the verge of leaving becuase I just cant this right.... I just hope I can figure this out this year has been so fucking hard and is giving me 2020 vibes all over again the ammount of dread I am feeling is just overwhelming making life feel so fucking weird. Certain smells give me anxiety certain tempertures in the air as well make me feel so weird I hate this feeling so bad and I want it to go away. Nathaniel I really hope you dont mess up from now on you have no more cahnces right now its most important I watch every move I make, its important that my actions reflect the way I want things to turn out I need to stop lying and I also need to work on so much else. I need to win my wife back its a tragic thing to see when my wife and I are running errands and she decideds not to wear her wedding ring... I am down bad and the only one I can blame is myself I just hope me going into this with a focused mind will change things for the better. Ive cried more than ever today I hate the feeling of uncertantiy withn my wife its such a bad feeling I felt this way in 2020.... I really apreciate the support I recieve from my Sister as well I just wish she could be here I just want to hug her and cry like I did when I was a kid. Its also so crazy to think my Sister wanted to save me from all of this back in 2011 like fuck she even knew I was going to get wrapped in all this drug bull shit It fucked me in the long run just like my parents they both fucked me in this and I know I couldnt choose my parents just its so tragic but again its my fault with all the knowing of wrong I still chose to make it hard on myself and everyone else around me. I am a looser and on the brink of loosing everything just please god if your listening can you help me make things right I want to make my wife happy I dont want to make her worry I dont want to be ashamed me lord. I have always let her down and I dont want to that anymore I want to gain back her trust,her affection, and her love I need to save my marriage and I wont stop fighting for it.
Painting My Own Target!
Cinco de Mayo
A usual routine for me as I fuck up any oppurtunity im presented..... starting over is something im also good at as well so lets seeeee how this goes again just Im hoping I can hold this togother. Im stuck writting this but we all know its the truth so yeah. Anyways we got laid off luckily Cisco a work related friend who I met working with phoenix engine specialits and let me work with his familly which im super thankful for And yes I just hope I dont fuck this one up again. Im trying to go easy on myself but yeah feeling super shitty its just been honestly a tough year but again im the one who put us in this situation tragic.
NIOCE
Published April 26th
First week of AFW under my belt with 85 days left and hopefully another door opens for advancement and im sure the time will come! Anyways as I left work the air felt cooler and the parking lot was empty per usual and the drive home was pleasent. As im relaxing enjoy a ciggerette now im feeling down for an odd reason.. cant pin point why I feel this way but yes tragic <3
Rot & Assimilate !
Published April 24th, 2025
Money means so much and if you don't make a lot of it your considered something and that is not desirable on that chart. 10-6:30 lets get it over with also its fucking Thursday cant wait for the weekend just to get it over with. Idk past few days have been up and down for me and I have no clue why maybe its the cravings of the skante because they have been intense lately. lameee just like how everything played out no one of course didn't hear me out and again and again which spiraled me into a fit of rage which is expected especially when no one around me listened im going around in circles especially in my head because again nothing is being relieved best thing to do for me is to bury it and just let it die. These thoughts need to pass and stay hidden away lol as I'm typing this I love industrial music so fucking much its so good and pairs with my fucking paranoid ass brain. We are also going with a second cup of coffee soooo lets do that lol shiiiiit finna also give my body a good stretch super super great for this summer body lol. I can say man I am so happy I've been keep it consistent with this little diet i guess you can call it and also me working out my body has felt a little better but also i can tell my body is making good changes. Fuck I suck still at this but oh well still need more practice :) and if anyone is following along basically these embedded youtube videos are my favorite and signal my feelings in the moment and just for ever i guess I mean yeah lol also going to be updating more of my space-hey but also want to include this for more website interaction I love it! But anyways I'm going to have a good day and if your reading this I know your day will be good ! - Love Boy Burger
Coasting ?
Published April 23rd, 2025
Youre closer than ever just a perfect sequence of conversation and your here or maybe you already had a viewing and again blocked your sight. First day of work went swimmingly lol I have no other way to describe it. Overall I had a good time and will continue to do so seems a little boring but will get over that hump were bringing my lunch and also laptop might want to try to fit a sesh in like commit to the repository or some shit. Anyways its 6:08am and im fighting the urge to go back to sleep but as im typing this i forgot i need to return a library book so that being said ill be dropping that off shortly its only a 3 light drive towards 19th and union. Funny how I ended back here dont mind the area tbh North Phoenix is honestly my new favorite area in the valley <3 but besides that today will be a good day tika fucking tow bitch !!!!
April22,2025 - Am I coming in clear ?
Publsished on April 22, 2025
April 22, 2025 - A Beautiful Morning
Published on April 22, 2025
The sun rose this morning with a gentle golden hue, painting the sky with soft colors. The birds were singing their cheerful melodies, and a light breeze rustled the leaves outside my window. It was one of those mornings that makes you feel grateful for the simple beauty of the world around us.
I spent some time enjoying a cup of coffee on my porch, just soaking it all in. These quiet moments before the day truly begins are so precious.
Later today, I'm planning to... arrive at fucking work early need to be there 7am Sharp you bitch ass motha fucka lol