martes
May 27th 2025
Damn so why do car parts gotta be so expensive but gah damn a k1500 or just any fucking chevy square body truck will look so freaking sexy and bad ass! Definitely will be wanting one all blacked out with some utility features like seeesh so good prob will need to get it slamed cause again ya boy is a shorty. stoooge Im actually in a good mood this morning so lets get it motha fuckas oh yeah lol.
lunes
May 26th 2025
Monday's seem to be idk just something and Im trying my best to just fucking dominate the day and not let it drag I think thats what im working on within myself is to make these work days seems super easy for me and just fly through them. So as of yesterday the In-laws payed a visit and we had an amazing time filled with a fish fry and some card games I think my favorite was family fued that game was actually fun and had a great time with it I believe we all did. They ended up staying a little bit long last night which was no issue I believe my neighbors got to hear all the drama with my in-laws living situaton and aubreys brother and all that so thats pretty much funny more contex hearing all that you would think not all that bad. This morning is good tho honestly trying not to think about the ashen one thus we know it was never reciprocated tragic yet my mind can go thier a time when blossming and a time of my deep dive into despair. ANYWHOOOOOOOOOOO this morning is chill so far we are just chilling made some coffee and watching the death lady talk about mortician history the sub culture of funeral homes and just everything else idk I believe my youtube recomnedations are nice xD
Trying to not become bored
May 25th 2025
Im not sure what im going through well actually yes I do Im fighting my mind all the time I get so bored so quickly and it brings out some bad impulses... I want to use and at the same time I dont just wish I was able to do certain things but I need to realize I cannot anymore. Damn 4 months and still nothing the progressiveness still continues yet I try not to get upset but anyways fuck it ima stop typinng about it becuase ya... xD 6:49am typing and 420 garage trips is what this time frame feels like xD
Geeked up PLAYING XBOX ALL DAY
May 24th 2025
Fucking made it to the weekend lets gooo another long work week under my belt done! So now yung nati beats is going to be playing fallout 3 this weekend also aubrey and I got our groceries over with and we are prepared for the week so thats great I love how we now manage to come togother collectivly and get this all done and even my mom helps out with the suggesting. Im thinking we built a great pace here and were just going to continue forward.
..Processing..
may 22nd 2025
May seems to be flying by pretty quickly and I can be more than happy about that if that even makes sense lol but anyways look im here at work pulled up exactly at 7:28am so like we will just insert this here ya know lol nothing too crazy while trying not to go crazy while sitting here.... idk mind goes up and fucking down its quite annoying tbh but we will continue im not sure if its cravings or other bull shit, anyways its way to early for this self loathing or whatever im doing lol and there I go over using "lol"
Outburts of failings
may 21st
When one of your ears doess it mean someone is speaking of your name ? It indeed is a Wednesday (miercoles) the middle of the week and the body seems to be very used to this scedule we have so much to do its wild! Now its 6AM and will need to leave st 7am to get to work on time the only big downside of working for Cisco is that I have to be at work at 8am so its cool that I have this sense of punctiality but damn i gotta leave earlier )x buuttt I shouldnt complain I have time to do things like right now I should go make a bagel x) So it seems like I missed a big fraction and just overall phenomena of just wild shit that was premiering back in the late 80's and early 90's wild fucking wild lol I mean when you look at it all the pop-culture and then the popularity of Grundge really fucking set the tone for the 90's wild wild stuff and I love all of it Im always going back learning from the past unraveling more secrets. its fucking 6:30 now and my mind is racing im not sure if thats the coffee or just my mind shiiit. Well lets dive head first into work like really dive in just wish I could get some headphones which will be soon idk but diving all the way in too work its going to be hard and im anticapting all of it. Better ready or prepared but again that will show in pure performance record. Your Permanant record. The Permanant Record of Judgemnt. The last actions and words are only records for our minds to pass judgement onto other meath sack human beings. Like Honestly what really is the last thing I said to you because if it was any diffrent would you be still listening or pretendiing too/.... )x xD
the 18th
May 18th
Hello good morning chat we have risen early and just got back from the beautiful backyard and had partaken in a leaf medicine and now here in the moment listening and just here lol wow I cant explain but anyways its an update so I hope its enough ;) nah but for this year its been so fucking bad in just up and downs but more downs and now that I have my cart back on the rails the #1 goal in this... is to not de-rail so far the gear are moving and I must be a little bit more harder on myself in certain elements but for the most part ehhhhh lol.
Morning Medicine Smoke
May 17th
Morning coffee am I spelling it right? we rose at 5am and just super ready for the day u can tell just honestly chilling before work pluss im really loving the Deep Down Trauma Hounds music video I think its perfect lol. My Introduction to industrial feels destined like it was approched at theeeee most perfect time of my life which I believe is apart of my Divine Duty that is sent from God himself. I feel like Ive uncovered hidden knowledge listening to this genre of music and I feel its heigented my overall drive towards certain Tech Projects and of course Work dealing with so much oil and steel. Its a Pit and I work in it stinky shitty conditions for any white colar worker its funny becuase the work I believe fits me I mean after all the shit Ive been through itss fiting and ways. I have one more hour to do the hell I want before I need to head out to work but its only a half day so lets just fucking tackle it even I dont want to go but again I am getting the whole Francos Core Exp so thats good!
Adapting Version 1.37
May 16th
So its the AM and I rose at 5:10am I noticed my phone wasnt present so Im assuming my body knew that i needed to be awake at a certain time but it worked. Collecting thoughts in the mornining with a few cups of coffee is setting my spirits high and all I can say is I am melancholy. :-) this is my mind at this moment and im honestly fucking ready biiitch lol second cup of coffee going now finna stretch and yes we have bacon motha fucking cooking so yeah lol MSX FM is in the background so this is also setting the tone for this friday so its nice !...... We arrived at work in peace i had to show Danny the Rasberry Pi and he is impressed also Marco seems to want one asking where I purchased the small computer.
sisyphus boulder 
may 11th
Yet I continue to push this boulder and will continue until I am dead it feels good knowing im keeping momentem.Lets just hope I dont fuck it up again and thats what im scared of lets just stay positive and focused so yeah we are chilling for the time being. Trying to listen to new music I feel new stuff comes at me when im expieriencing some crazy life shit so i guess it fits and its funny most of the time it does. In this momemt life feels good and nothing is setting me off into a panic attack which is great again I know I sound like a broken record just I cannot fuck this up... again.
Will I learn ?
May7th
I wish I never did half the things I did I wish my fucking brain would finally realize that if I keep fucking this up I wont have a wife I wont have anything. I wish I never fucking dig any type of drugs it literraly spiraled me into chaos it caused so many people to look at me in such a negative way. Now about to be turning 28 and just fucking dont have anything going formyself becuase of drugs becuase I put my fucking drug use on top of everything and no I have no relaible job my wife hates me and is on the verge of leaving becuase I just cant this right.... I just hope I can figure this out this year has been so fucking hard and is giving me 2020 vibes all over again the ammount of dread I am feeling is just overwhelming making life feel so fucking weird. Certain smells give me anxiety certain tempertures in the air as well make me feel so weird I hate this feeling so bad and I want it to go away. Nathaniel I really hope you dont mess up from now on you have no more cahnces right now its most important I watch every move I make, its important that my actions reflect the way I want things to turn out I need to stop lying and I also need to work on so much else. I need to win my wife back its a tragic thing to see when my wife and I are running errands and she decideds not to wear her wedding ring... I am down bad and the only one I can blame is myself I just hope me going into this with a focused mind will change things for the better. Ive cried more than ever today I hate the feeling of uncertantiy withn my wife its such a bad feeling I felt this way in 2020.... I really apreciate the support I recieve from my Sister as well I just wish she could be here I just want to hug her and cry like I did when I was a kid. Its also so crazy to think my Sister wanted to save me from all of this back in 2011 like fuck she even knew I was going to get wrapped in all this drug bull shit It fucked me in the long run just like my parents they both fucked me in this and I know I couldnt choose my parents just its so tragic but again its my fault with all the knowing of wrong I still chose to make it hard on myself and everyone else around me. I am a looser and on the brink of loosing everything just please god if your listening can you help me make things right I want to make my wife happy I dont want to make her worry I dont want to be ashamed me lord. I have always let her down and I dont want to that anymore I want to gain back her trust,her affection, and her love I need to save my marriage and I wont stop fighting for it.
Painting My Own Target!
Cinco de Mayo
A usual routine for me as I fuck up any oppurtunity im presented..... starting over is something im also good at as well so lets seeeee how this goes again just Im hoping I can hold this togother. Im stuck writting this but we all know its the truth so yeah. Anyways we got laid off luckily Cisco a work related friend who I met working with phoenix engine specialits and let me work with his familly which im super thankful for And yes I just hope I dont fuck this one up again. Im trying to go easy on myself but yeah feeling super shitty its just been honestly a tough year but again im the one who put us in this situation tragic.
NIOCE
Published April 26th
First week of AFW under my belt with 85 days left and hopefully another door opens for advancement and im sure the time will come! Anyways as I left work the air felt cooler and the parking lot was empty per usual and the drive home was pleasent. As im relaxing enjoy a ciggerette now im feeling down for an odd reason.. cant pin point why I feel this way but yes tragic <3
Rot & Assimilate !
Published April 24th, 2025
Money means so much and if you don't make a lot of it your considered something and that is not desirable on that chart. 10-6:30 lets get it over with also its fucking Thursday cant wait for the weekend just to get it over with. Idk past few days have been up and down for me and I have no clue why maybe its the cravings of the skante because they have been intense lately. lameee just like how everything played out no one of course didn't hear me out and again and again which spiraled me into a fit of rage which is expected especially when no one around me listened im going around in circles especially in my head because again nothing is being relieved best thing to do for me is to bury it and just let it die. These thoughts need to pass and stay hidden away lol as I'm typing this I love industrial music so fucking much its so good and pairs with my fucking paranoid ass brain. We are also going with a second cup of coffee soooo lets do that lol shiiiiit finna also give my body a good stretch super super great for this summer body lol. I can say man I am so happy I've been keep it consistent with this little diet i guess you can call it and also me working out my body has felt a little better but also i can tell my body is making good changes. Fuck I suck still at this but oh well still need more practice :) and if anyone is following along basically these embedded youtube videos are my favorite and signal my feelings in the moment and just for ever i guess I mean yeah lol also going to be updating more of my space-hey but also want to include this for more website interaction I love it! But anyways I'm going to have a good day and if your reading this I know your day will be good ! - Love Boy Burger
Coasting ?
Published April 23rd, 2025
Youre closer than ever just a perfect sequence of conversation and your here or maybe you already had a viewing and again blocked your sight. First day of work went swimmingly lol I have no other way to describe it. Overall I had a good time and will continue to do so seems a little boring but will get over that hump were bringing my lunch and also laptop might want to try to fit a sesh in like commit to the repository or some shit. Anyways its 6:08am and im fighting the urge to go back to sleep but as im typing this i forgot i need to return a library book so that being said ill be dropping that off shortly its only a 3 light drive towards 19th and union. Funny how I ended back here dont mind the area tbh North Phoenix is honestly my new favorite area in the valley <3 but besides that today will be a good day tika fucking tow bitch !!!!
April22,2025 - Am I coming in clear ?
Publsished on April 22, 2025
April 22, 2025 - A Beautiful Morning
Published on April 22, 2025
The sun rose this morning with a gentle golden hue, painting the sky with soft colors. The birds were singing their cheerful melodies, and a light breeze rustled the leaves outside my window. It was one of those mornings that makes you feel grateful for the simple beauty of the world around us.
I spent some time enjoying a cup of coffee on my porch, just soaking it all in. These quiet moments before the day truly begins are so precious.
Later today, I'm planning to... arrive at fucking work early need to be there 7am Sharp you bitch ass motha fucka lol