Wake & Bake bitch we chilling droped some cosbys off now we chilling feels good to know i have sunday off by relaxing im just honestly ready for august i need these months to go by a little faster. Buttttt that being said i love that time is going a little fast at the moment i need some cooler weather i cant wait for that truly it will be a vibe. Funny how Arizonanias just love the start of nice weather im sure it involves many emotions. 6:39am and my back is hurting its everytime i sit in this chair early in the morning. What was I going to type oh yeah I keep getting cravings and then lets say I execute my meth and smoke it or snort it i just know my whole day will be ruined lol mainly from the over stimulation where it puts me in this unprodcutive mind set so fuuuck me I cant. Life has been verrrry goood lately honestly its gotten a little bit better work kinda sucks its just its fucking hot and my legs are always fucking hurting. I love everyone I work with as well its so fucking crazy how night and day it is working for Cisco and his familly. I want to say that the Hernandez familly is a thing I dont fuck up becuase usually I do but we have been on a role and there is no more room for fucking up that way again.
6:06pm curently and we are getting closer to the start of a new week, bassicly im just trying to keep my spirits up for the time being : - ).
blan_k
July 12th 2025
I completley forgot to hit save this morning or maybe i lost the writting but anyways this saturday is nice!
Managing the shaddow
July 11th 2025
awwww shit shit has been wild lol and bassicly trying so hard to fight my urges I need to stay on the 5am schedule for its most important! But if anyone is reading I hope your doing okay "its such a cold world"!! At times when I know im doing no wrong I get in these unexlplained moods and its just honestly very bizzare....
Just fucking sitting here listening to music actually just getting lost in my head but still cant fill in the typing portion either im not able to express this side of my brain? blah blah alright lets just get down to the nitty gritty of what i actually need to do today. So its about 5:46am I just had a cup of coffee took a morining shit played a little bit of this game called "DEAD WEST" and now im fucking listening to music all in the span of the hour of 5am. I would say im off to a good start but anyways the mother wakes up around 6am and then leaves to work at 6:30 my ass leaves at 7am to get to work before 8am lol but yeah. Work should be interesting a lot of random task throughout the day. Whats cool is that its Friday I always loved this day ever since like i was just aware of the concept of the whole attraction towards friday weird man.....
Live Violence
July 5th 2025
Violence is a powerful and creates a just unheard of force that brings true thinking and embracing it head on can leave to survival but anyways waking up this morning of and hearing such noises of two humans fight was truly a feeling.
Sludge FireWorks
July 4th 2025
Sitting here at work currently 7:45am and simply just chilling in my work area but of course behind it. Ive nested a little area for myself back here which is super chill. So in the front you have our work table then we have a streched out table that just holds most of our left over parts from engines we dissasemble.This is what creates this wall for my personal area but again its just way too hot to be chilling here in the summer so this place will really peak in the winter months and boy am i excited!!
Chasing False Highs
June 16th 2025
Pointless brain connections and we woke up thinking I would open my gas tank lid and ill be exposed to a glass bag, morning like this sound like Portland U time is now 4:44am going to try and play New Vegas : -) 2 more weeks of this month as well lets make this a good week for heavens sake nathaniel please dont mess it up..... "Here comes the feeling again" "Do you ever try to keep tabs" Its like these little events were always supposed to be there )x Esoteric forced visions lol like what the fuck am i even saying but anyways my digital footprint to say the least is wild lol this cup of coffee is wraping its presence around me its deff doing its job lol "my old friend" "You May Find Yourself" my brain is fried like usual I want it I need it but I know I dont need it why am I always falliing into a place of wanting things I do not need like ever pursuing you but again its giving me inspiration to create what ever the fuck im creating....
Inner Self Mutilation To The Human Spirit
june 14th 2025
Im wiping my eyes and its the same,its so easy to do wrong and its had to do good when I did bad my whole life. I cannot handle the drug and I just hope no one fucking noticed LOL but I cannot do this anymore and its a shame you fell and tbh it was not that worth it. Like I really enjoy these mornings alone it feels more normal I reflect preciesly simalar to the shower. Why is it tho we have deep thoughts in the shower such a weird thing and I believe its becuase you are in a state of relaxation I could be wrong. Shit its been a min adding anything to my website lol currently time for me to head out the door and im getting little nervous even tho i shouldnt i just feel good i guess in this moment. Very short lived becuase now my fucking stomach hurts shit man im all over the place in the morning im glad i wake up few hours later before going into work : - )))))))))))))))))))) super chill wow this fucking entry blows sorry for anyone following along like if it matters ?!
NO VIEWS
june 7th 2025
Keep going and never stop your mind is maintaing itself but again will always have judgemnt just ignore it if festered could leave me going back dark roads. LOL what am I even saying but work again and just overall listo and ready for this satuday shift cant wait to be off we have so much to do and again so little time but no worries we shall keep pushing. 7 years and still cant get over it lol but always hits me in waves... "everything happened so fast and seemed like and it was just being forced" More and likely the cause of the events plusssssssssssssssssssss the majority of myself looking like a complete dunce and honestly should of left you alone. Yikes the force you brought upon to my world is unmatched and how shitty the situation was.. Im just sure thier has to be elements that cause a thouught to run thorugh your mind.
please update me more
june 6th 2025
please update this more add some more creativity Nathaniel. Woke up with meloncholy thoughts but overall we are fucking chilling my nigga eddie got his car broken into from our old friend Cameron hes been off the rails but never knew he would do some dumb shit like this. He has been going after us for no apparent reason so the first incident happend when he started to have a crush on our friend matt and then after that its been a shit show with him....so i guess he had broken my boy eddies windows on his blue volkswagen last night and is now able to file a police report LOL so yeah hopefully he gets what hes been wanting but anyways sheeeit gotta get ready for work now the wife got me some new work undies so lets see how they perform and I have high hopes but fuuuck yeah its friday going to try and keep my mood stale and just at least and well be prepared but lets fucking go biiiiitch skitzo with a keyboard ex fucking tweaker )x
consumer 666-69-9954
june 5th 2025
Labeled I have been placed in a archive of a system I may never acess but again we all know its there its just not talked about enough? Im wasting time tho and just consuming media and making sure I go to work which is a blessing but I believe something can be around the corner just I need to figure this out this info im being fed and use it for something that will get my brain muscles working. Sitting here thinking its just a period and a time to really pull things stretch them out and actually focus on more important things in this short period things actually are looking up at the 6th month mark. Learn the fundamentals of the core and from thier branch and keep momentum so much potential here and im going to just ride with it and show up. SHIT! SURE HAPPY ITS THURSDAY ! TELL EM LARGE MARGE TELL'EM LARGE MARGE SENT YA! fuck man lets go ya shit lets just fucking get through sprinting ahead and going in listo. Slaves and Metal Coffins xD I hope anyone who is reading is having a swell time or excellent day <3
Sludge
June 4th
my desk is messy but we made it too wednesday so we got that going so thats chill woke up this morning feeling super sludgy or just overall foggy. Anyways with the usual except I tried streching this morning so that felt super nice will be doing that again before i leave for work. Also work has been nice overall could get better but at the same time im learning and getting the hang of it I hope no complaints so far.... ehh yeah overall love working for francos core it feels good in its moments. But yeah trying not to get bored all the time tbh is quite a drag.... I feel uninspired for some reason trying not to go so hard on myself but ya just have no idea really what to add here but shit i need to keep going despite not achieving the desired result.
where are you ?
June 2nd 2025
Since yesterday its been a constant rain and thats so nice its june and not hot,this weather is so relaxing honestly has me thinking where are you ? Offically have like 6 months left to go for this crazy year honestly this year has been trippy and very low and just deppressing buuuut me I have to stay fucking Optimistic you guys already know this right lol ? But anyways I am actually excited for work
/\/\/\/\//\//\///\/
May 31st 2025
The last day of May for 2025 yikes is the year flying by but at the same time im so happy it is, we have about 4 months on hot weather left so thats nice.
Script writting?
May 30th 2025
Diving into things that used to give me a headache, I'm trying my best to create a script for a commentary video. The topic I want to convey is how Fallout 3 introduced me to the franchise.
It was 2009, or maybe early 2010. I was in 7th grade, around 11 or 12 years old. That year was phenomenal, in my opinion. I remember I was shifting more into the person I always envisioned myself to be. This was a time of great musical discovery for me, and I was really solidifying my aura with all this media, music, television, etc. As an 11-year-old boy in early 2010, I felt super nostalgic, even super optimistic, just in general about everything.
But anyway, back to Fallout 3. I believe my discovery of the game was an accident. It was a Friday night sometime in mid-April 2010. My mom said, 'Since you did good, you get to pick out a video game at a store, and I'll buy it for you.' With that, we got our things ready and headed over to my sister's house, but before arriving, we stopped at the 19th and Bell Walmart.
Lo and behold, Fallout 3 was the game I ended up selecting, drawn in by the shiny case. It was indeed the Game of the Year edition, so I received all the bells and whistles for the base game. Popping this game in for the first time was just absolutely insane. My mind was blown. I think it's funny that I played that whole game that entire weekend and never once looked up a tutorial on YouTube.
Writing a script is proving to be a bit challenging; I'm going to have to do some research on this. But for this first attempt, I'm excited to get into this project and get my message across. <3
martes
May 27th 2025
Damn so why do car parts gotta be so expensive but gah damn a k1500 or just any fucking chevy square body truck will look so freaking sexy and bad ass! Definitely will be wanting one all blacked out with some utility features like seeesh so good prob will need to get it slamed cause again ya boy is a shorty. stoooge Im actually in a good mood this morning so lets get it motha fuckas oh yeah lol.
lunes
May 26th 2025
Monday's seem to be idk just something and Im trying my best to just fucking dominate the day and not let it drag I think thats what im working on within myself is to make these work days seems super easy for me and just fly through them. So as of yesterday the In-laws payed a visit and we had an amazing time filled with a fish fry and some card games I think my favorite was family fued that game was actually fun and had a great time with it I believe we all did. They ended up staying a little bit long last night which was no issue I believe my neighbors got to hear all the drama with my in-laws living situaton and aubreys brother and all that so thats pretty much funny more contex hearing all that you would think not all that bad. This morning is good tho honestly trying not to think about the ashen one thus we know it was never reciprocated tragic yet my mind can go thier a time when blossming and a time of my deep dive into despair. ANYWHOOOOOOOOOOO this morning is chill so far we are just chilling made some coffee and watching the death lady talk about mortician history the sub culture of funeral homes and just everything else idk I believe my youtube recomnedations are nice xD
Trying to not become bored
May 25th 2025
Im not sure what im going through well actually yes I do Im fighting my mind all the time I get so bored so quickly and it brings out some bad impulses... I want to use and at the same time I dont just wish I was able to do certain things but I need to realize I cannot anymore. Damn 4 months and still nothing the progressiveness still continues yet I try not to get upset but anyways fuck it ima stop typinng about it becuase ya... xD 6:49am typing and 420 garage trips is what this time frame feels like xD
Geeked up PLAYING XBOX ALL DAY
May 24th 2025
Fucking made it to the weekend lets gooo another long work week under my belt done! So now yung nati beats is going to be playing fallout 3 this weekend also aubrey and I got our groceries over with and we are prepared for the week so thats great I love how we now manage to come togother collectivly and get this all done and even my mom helps out with the suggesting. Im thinking we built a great pace here and were just going to continue forward.
..Processing..
may 22nd 2025
May seems to be flying by pretty quickly and I can be more than happy about that if that even makes sense lol but anyways look im here at work pulled up exactly at 7:28am so like we will just insert this here ya know lol nothing too crazy while trying not to go crazy while sitting here.... idk mind goes up and fucking down its quite annoying tbh but we will continue im not sure if its cravings or other bull shit, anyways its way to early for this self loathing or whatever im doing lol and there I go over using "lol"
Outburts of failings
may 21st
When one of your ears doess it mean someone is speaking of your name ? It indeed is a Wednesday (miercoles) the middle of the week and the body seems to be very used to this scedule we have so much to do its wild! Now its 6AM and will need to leave st 7am to get to work on time the only big downside of working for Cisco is that I have to be at work at 8am so its cool that I have this sense of punctiality but damn i gotta leave earlier )x buuttt I shouldnt complain I have time to do things like right now I should go make a bagel x) So it seems like I missed a big fraction and just overall phenomena of just wild shit that was premiering back in the late 80's and early 90's wild fucking wild lol I mean when you look at it all the pop-culture and then the popularity of Grundge really fucking set the tone for the 90's wild wild stuff and I love all of it Im always going back learning from the past unraveling more secrets. its fucking 6:30 now and my mind is racing im not sure if thats the coffee or just my mind shiiit. Well lets dive head first into work like really dive in just wish I could get some headphones which will be soon idk but diving all the way in too work its going to be hard and im anticapting all of it. Better ready or prepared but again that will show in pure performance record. Your Permanant record. The Permanant Record of Judgemnt. The last actions and words are only records for our minds to pass judgement onto other meath sack human beings. Like Honestly what really is the last thing I said to you because if it was any diffrent would you be still listening or pretendiing too/.... )x xD
the 18th
May 18th
Hello good morning chat we have risen early and just got back from the beautiful backyard and had partaken in a leaf medicine and now here in the moment listening and just here lol wow I cant explain but anyways its an update so I hope its enough ;) nah but for this year its been so fucking bad in just up and downs but more downs and now that I have my cart back on the rails the #1 goal in this... is to not de-rail so far the gear are moving and I must be a little bit more harder on myself in certain elements but for the most part ehhhhh lol.
Morning Medicine Smoke
May 17th
Morning coffee am I spelling it right? we rose at 5am and just super ready for the day u can tell just honestly chilling before work pluss im really loving the Deep Down Trauma Hounds music video I think its perfect lol. My Introduction to industrial feels destined like it was approched at theeeee most perfect time of my life which I believe is apart of my Divine Duty that is sent from God himself. I feel like Ive uncovered hidden knowledge listening to this genre of music and I feel its heigented my overall drive towards certain Tech Projects and of course Work dealing with so much oil and steel. Its a Pit and I work in it stinky shitty conditions for any white colar worker its funny becuase the work I believe fits me I mean after all the shit Ive been through itss fiting and ways. I have one more hour to do the hell I want before I need to head out to work but its only a half day so lets just fucking tackle it even I dont want to go but again I am getting the whole Francos Core Exp so thats good!
Adapting Version 1.37
May 16th
So its the AM and I rose at 5:10am I noticed my phone wasnt present so Im assuming my body knew that i needed to be awake at a certain time but it worked. Collecting thoughts in the mornining with a few cups of coffee is setting my spirits high and all I can say is I am melancholy. :-) this is my mind at this moment and im honestly fucking ready biiitch lol second cup of coffee going now finna stretch and yes we have bacon motha fucking cooking so yeah lol MSX FM is in the background so this is also setting the tone for this friday so its nice !...... We arrived at work in peace i had to show Danny the Rasberry Pi and he is impressed also Marco seems to want one asking where I purchased the small computer.
sisyphus boulder
may 11th
Yet I continue to push this boulder and will continue until I am dead it feels good knowing im keeping momentem.Lets just hope I dont fuck it up again and thats what im scared of lets just stay positive and focused so yeah we are chilling for the time being. Trying to listen to new music I feel new stuff comes at me when im expieriencing some crazy life shit so i guess it fits and its funny most of the time it does. In this momemt life feels good and nothing is setting me off into a panic attack which is great again I know I sound like a broken record just I cannot fuck this up... again.
Will I learn ?
May7th
I wish I never did half the things I did I wish my fucking brain would finally realize that if I keep fucking this up I wont have a wife I wont have anything. I wish I never fucking dig any type of drugs it literraly spiraled me into chaos it caused so many people to look at me in such a negative way. Now about to be turning 28 and just fucking dont have anything going formyself becuase of drugs becuase I put my fucking drug use on top of everything and no I have no relaible job my wife hates me and is on the verge of leaving becuase I just cant this right.... I just hope I can figure this out this year has been so fucking hard and is giving me 2020 vibes all over again the ammount of dread I am feeling is just overwhelming making life feel so fucking weird. Certain smells give me anxiety certain tempertures in the air as well make me feel so weird I hate this feeling so bad and I want it to go away. Nathaniel I really hope you dont mess up from now on you have no more cahnces right now its most important I watch every move I make, its important that my actions reflect the way I want things to turn out I need to stop lying and I also need to work on so much else. I need to win my wife back its a tragic thing to see when my wife and I are running errands and she decideds not to wear her wedding ring... I am down bad and the only one I can blame is myself I just hope me going into this with a focused mind will change things for the better. Ive cried more than ever today I hate the feeling of uncertantiy withn my wife its such a bad feeling I felt this way in 2020.... I really apreciate the support I recieve from my Sister as well I just wish she could be here I just want to hug her and cry like I did when I was a kid. Its also so crazy to think my Sister wanted to save me from all of this back in 2011 like fuck she even knew I was going to get wrapped in all this drug bull shit It fucked me in the long run just like my parents they both fucked me in this and I know I couldnt choose my parents just its so tragic but again its my fault with all the knowing of wrong I still chose to make it hard on myself and everyone else around me. I am a looser and on the brink of loosing everything just please god if your listening can you help me make things right I want to make my wife happy I dont want to make her worry I dont want to be ashamed me lord. I have always let her down and I dont want to that anymore I want to gain back her trust,her affection, and her love I need to save my marriage and I wont stop fighting for it.
Painting My Own Target!
Cinco de Mayo
A usual routine for me as I fuck up any oppurtunity im presented..... starting over is something im also good at as well so lets seeeee how this goes again just Im hoping I can hold this togother. Im stuck writting this but we all know its the truth so yeah. Anyways we got laid off luckily Cisco a work related friend who I met working with phoenix engine specialits and let me work with his familly which im super thankful for And yes I just hope I dont fuck this one up again. Im trying to go easy on myself but yeah feeling super shitty its just been honestly a tough year but again im the one who put us in this situation tragic.
NIOCE
Published April 26th
First week of AFW under my belt with 85 days left and hopefully another door opens for advancement and im sure the time will come! Anyways as I left work the air felt cooler and the parking lot was empty per usual and the drive home was pleasent. As im relaxing enjoy a ciggerette now im feeling down for an odd reason.. cant pin point why I feel this way but yes tragic <3
Rot & Assimilate !
Published April 24th, 2025
Money means so much and if you don't make a lot of it your considered something and that is not desirable on that chart. 10-6:30 lets get it over with also its fucking Thursday cant wait for the weekend just to get it over with. Idk past few days have been up and down for me and I have no clue why maybe its the cravings of the skante because they have been intense lately. lameee just like how everything played out no one of course didn't hear me out and again and again which spiraled me into a fit of rage which is expected especially when no one around me listened im going around in circles especially in my head because again nothing is being relieved best thing to do for me is to bury it and just let it die. These thoughts need to pass and stay hidden away lol as I'm typing this I love industrial music so fucking much its so good and pairs with my fucking paranoid ass brain. We are also going with a second cup of coffee soooo lets do that lol shiiiiit finna also give my body a good stretch super super great for this summer body lol. I can say man I am so happy I've been keep it consistent with this little diet i guess you can call it and also me working out my body has felt a little better but also i can tell my body is making good changes. Fuck I suck still at this but oh well still need more practice :) and if anyone is following along basically these embedded youtube videos are my favorite and signal my feelings in the moment and just for ever i guess I mean yeah lol also going to be updating more of my space-hey but also want to include this for more website interaction I love it! But anyways I'm going to have a good day and if your reading this I know your day will be good ! - Love Boy Burger
Coasting ?
Published April 23rd, 2025
Youre closer than ever just a perfect sequence of conversation and your here or maybe you already had a viewing and again blocked your sight. First day of work went swimmingly lol I have no other way to describe it. Overall I had a good time and will continue to do so seems a little boring but will get over that hump were bringing my lunch and also laptop might want to try to fit a sesh in like commit to the repository or some shit. Anyways its 6:08am and im fighting the urge to go back to sleep but as im typing this i forgot i need to return a library book so that being said ill be dropping that off shortly its only a 3 light drive towards 19th and union. Funny how I ended back here dont mind the area tbh North Phoenix is honestly my new favorite area in the valley <3 but besides that today will be a good day tika fucking tow bitch !!!!
April22,2025 - Am I coming in clear ?
Publsished on April 22, 2025
April 22, 2025 - A Beautiful Morning
Published on April 22, 2025
The sun rose this morning with a gentle golden hue, painting the sky with soft colors. The birds were singing their cheerful melodies, and a light breeze rustled the leaves outside my window. It was one of those mornings that makes you feel grateful for the simple beauty of the world around us.
I spent some time enjoying a cup of coffee on my porch, just soaking it all in. These quiet moments before the day truly begins are so precious.
Later today, I'm planning to... arrive at fucking work early need to be there 7am Sharp you bitch ass motha fucka lol
